Your penis is in the way
Two and a half men - 05x15
Charlie's at his shrink.
So Charlie, what's been going on?
-Well I got a new career.
As a crash test dummy?
- Writing songs for little kids.
Really?
- Yeah. Looks like immature minds respond to me.
That sounds about right.
- Ah, let's see, what else. My mom's getting married, nice guy.
Good for her.
- Yeah, yeah. My brother still lives with me.
Sure, we knew he wasn't going anywhere.
- Hm, let's see uhm, my nephew's growing like a weed. My ex fiancee's getting married, I've been dating a lot, nothing serious and, as you can see I've had a couple of.. mishaps.
Well except for the facial last orations and the rectal doughnut, hardly noticeable.
- It's actually a testicular doughnut.
What's the difference?
- About this much. *shows*
Well that's disturbing.
Let's circle back to the ex fiancee, what was her name?
- Mia.
Mia, how do you feel about Mia getting married and moving on with her life?
- I feel fine about it, I'm happy for her.
No remorse? No regrets?
- Not really, it's been a long time.
Okay. So when did you learn about her upcoming naptuals?
- I don't know, a couple of weeks. *get's a piece of paper and checks* Yep, two weeks.
You carry the announcement around with you?
- Yeah, why?
No reason.
And you say you've been dating a lot.
- A little more than usual.
And when did that new pattern start?
- Gee, I don't know. It's gotta be a couple of weeks now.
.... What?
Oh come on Charlie, just 'cause I get paid by the hour doesn't mean this should take forever.
It's pretty clear that the news about this woman getting married has hurt you and you're acting out.
- Man you shrinks wanna bring everything back to feelings, don't you?
Think it has anything to do with your toilet training?
- No.
Well then I guess we're stuck with feelings.
Now when you read that announcement, how did you feel?
- I don't know... How you feel when the woman you were once in love with is getting married to another guy?
Describe it.
- Describe it?
Just for fun.
- It's, hard to say exactly... I-I guess its kinda like a-a trap door opens up under your feet and you're falling and at the same time there's this enormous pressure on your chest, like a, like a big animal, maybe a-a, a possum or a raccoon is sitting on it and you can't catch your breath.
A possum or a raccoon...
- If you're writing it down say raccoon.
Will do.
- I don't know why I said possum.
It's okay, uhm, do you think it's possible that this feeling of falling and the raccoon on your chest is a physical manifestation of unexpressed grief?
- Grief?
You know, sadness.
- How do you read sadness into that?
Look Charlie, you're a smart guy. Emotionally... eh. But you gotta see what's going on here. You're using this series of meaningless sexual lien sons to run away from these feelings of losing this woman
- No nah, I'm sorry, I don't see it. Let's keep looking.What about my mom getting married? That can upset a fellow, right? Make him go all ancient Greek and poke his eyes out.
Oh come on Charlie you love this woman and I'd say you still love her and deep down maybe you were hoping someday you two will get back together and the only reason you're not sitting here wiping is because it's too painful for you.
- Ths.. I'm sorry, I-i-i I just, can't see it.
You can't see it because your penis is in the way.
Charlie's at his shrink.
So Charlie, what's been going on?
-Well I got a new career.
As a crash test dummy?
- Writing songs for little kids.
Really?
- Yeah. Looks like immature minds respond to me.
That sounds about right.
- Ah, let's see, what else. My mom's getting married, nice guy.
Good for her.
- Yeah, yeah. My brother still lives with me.
Sure, we knew he wasn't going anywhere.
- Hm, let's see uhm, my nephew's growing like a weed. My ex fiancee's getting married, I've been dating a lot, nothing serious and, as you can see I've had a couple of.. mishaps.
Well except for the facial last orations and the rectal doughnut, hardly noticeable.
- It's actually a testicular doughnut.
What's the difference?
- About this much. *shows*
Well that's disturbing.
Let's circle back to the ex fiancee, what was her name?
- Mia.
Mia, how do you feel about Mia getting married and moving on with her life?
- I feel fine about it, I'm happy for her.
No remorse? No regrets?
- Not really, it's been a long time.
Okay. So when did you learn about her upcoming naptuals?
- I don't know, a couple of weeks. *get's a piece of paper and checks* Yep, two weeks.
You carry the announcement around with you?
- Yeah, why?
No reason.
And you say you've been dating a lot.
- A little more than usual.
And when did that new pattern start?
- Gee, I don't know. It's gotta be a couple of weeks now.
.... What?
Oh come on Charlie, just 'cause I get paid by the hour doesn't mean this should take forever.
It's pretty clear that the news about this woman getting married has hurt you and you're acting out.
- Man you shrinks wanna bring everything back to feelings, don't you?
Think it has anything to do with your toilet training?
- No.
Well then I guess we're stuck with feelings.
Now when you read that announcement, how did you feel?
- I don't know... How you feel when the woman you were once in love with is getting married to another guy?
Describe it.
- Describe it?
Just for fun.
- It's, hard to say exactly... I-I guess its kinda like a-a trap door opens up under your feet and you're falling and at the same time there's this enormous pressure on your chest, like a, like a big animal, maybe a-a, a possum or a raccoon is sitting on it and you can't catch your breath.
A possum or a raccoon...
- If you're writing it down say raccoon.
Will do.
- I don't know why I said possum.
It's okay, uhm, do you think it's possible that this feeling of falling and the raccoon on your chest is a physical manifestation of unexpressed grief?
- Grief?
You know, sadness.
- How do you read sadness into that?
Look Charlie, you're a smart guy. Emotionally... eh. But you gotta see what's going on here. You're using this series of meaningless sexual lien sons to run away from these feelings of losing this woman
- No nah, I'm sorry, I don't see it. Let's keep looking.What about my mom getting married? That can upset a fellow, right? Make him go all ancient Greek and poke his eyes out.
Oh come on Charlie you love this woman and I'd say you still love her and deep down maybe you were hoping someday you two will get back together and the only reason you're not sitting here wiping is because it's too painful for you.
- Ths.. I'm sorry, I-i-i I just, can't see it.
You can't see it because your penis is in the way.
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