Trust

For me it's the most important.
In anything, especially relationships, of any kind.
But trust isn't easy to gain for me, especially now. I was very very naïve before, I could trust anyone with anything, I wouldn't think of the damages or anything, probably because I never experienced broken trusts. Now I have a huge distance with people in general and I have this wall that's hard to break… I don't show my feelings until the person I am talking to does it first.
I will do everything in my power to make you see you can trust me and if you start, I'll trust you with some things, not all of it… But if you never tell me what's wrong, don't tell me your feelings or anything, then I won't either.
People really can trust me with anything, ask any of my friends… Especially guys. I'm not the girl who will judge you even if you come to me with a personal confusion about your body or something, but, I must really like you if I decided to trust you with something first and just come to you.
This never used to be a problem but through time it became so, broken promises.
If you make a promise and it's entitled to be fairly simple, I get down with each time you do it. I understand if you really couldn't, something came up but you were certain it would be okay..
It means much more to me when you keep a promise as simple as, "Leave me a message/text me/call me/ just before you go." Than I don't know, buying me a diamond necklace.  

I usually brake promises when I say I'll be online. I can never know for SURE 100% unless It's the time I know dad's at work, but if I make a promise I'll go to the caffe or be online, I may not keep it. I either promise I'll get to the caffe as soon as I can or I say I'll try to be at the caffe today.
But it's happened for me to promise I'll BE at the caffee today and something comes up and I don't go…
But I never promise it to that person again, because I know they may be expecting me to fail and I don't want that.  

I'm not saying I will never trust you again if you break a promise but if it's something a little more serious, you go behind my back doing anything that you know would hurt me or, you lie to me, even for a little thing, I will always question your next statement.
It's not cool when you lie about little things or at all for that matter. What's going to happen when there's something more serious? Are you going to make up a whole day just to keep in track?  

I used to have a weakness that people betrayed me, but someone I loved very much, I still trusted them if they said they would never do it again or that they're sorry and if they do it again, if they say they will really really change this time, I'd still trust. It could go on to a ridiculous amount, which it used to do. It's not like that anymore..
If I decide to trust you even after bullshit, I have a freaking metal shield over myself. Every word of yours is examined in my head and each word you say is doubted…I don't show you too much emotion nor do I care until you show it.. When you do, I will too…  

It's not even a matter of choice anymore, just the way I have to be and the way I am.