I'm already gone

Has anyone ever felt like they know they're so upset deep down that they just WANT to be angry instead. Just to numb the pain. I'm sounding really really dramatic and it's really not as bad as I make it seem but I am hurt and seriously - The past few WEEKS, I want to be angry and I actually am bitter all the time. I don't think there was a moment between this time that I didn't get angry or annoyed with someone over the smallest thing, especially if it's a facebook message. I've been avoiding even my mom the most 'cause she has the nagging habit and she asks too many questions at once - I BLOW inside when that happens. 

It get's me so angry and I just want to tell her Bite Me all the time, but of course I don't. I hate that being angry about everything doesn't help 'cause I'm still not any better. Sad or angry it doesn't mean I'm getting any better. Although Poroner has been a help. It's amazing how with him very little is needed and he's actually the only guy, I can "tolerate" to talk to without getting any bit mad or annoyed. Bojana doesn't get me so annoyed, we're always together but even with her, with her boyfriend for example - She doesn't do something I think she should, she does her own way that always get's back on her nose and she won't listen to me, but usually it would just get me to laugh how silly she's being. Now, inside it makes me want to fight with her over it and my whole day is ruined so easily. Not even music is helping me. I smile and laugh and make jokes and everything else in school and with dad, but every time I get my peace and am alone,I shut off until the next day comes and I won't get "better" until I have too - meaning school. 

Poroner suggested a show to watch which I started and it was entertaining,at least the first episode, I couldn't continue, my browser shut off for some reason. He's been a big help even though many would find him just rude and annoying. He is a bit direct but he's the only one I can understand and just take it from. 

There are a few people I want to say too a few things I really shouldn't 'cause it would make things worse, but damn does the wish stand strongly in my heart. 

Not even songs are working because the reason I am upset is more complex than past situations like this. I can't blame just one person, I'm too blame as well so songs like Black Dahlia can't help me. I'm not betrayed fully, I've done bad things too. 

See, this is bad too. I shouldn't be reminding myself of this but since I don't want to bore Poroner so much or possibly annoy him, I have here. Plus, I can rant here. I didn't want this to happen though, at all. This is somehow how I feel with too much pain and cramps in my stomach and heart... I'm already gone.

Remember all the things we wanted? Now all the memories,they're haunted.

We were always meant to say goodbye.

Even with our fists held high it never would've worked out right year...

We were never meant for do or die.

I didn't want us to burn out.

I didn't come here to hurt you, now I can't stop.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road.

Someone's gotta go...

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better but 

I want you to move on, so I'm already gone.

Looking at you makes it harder but I know that you'll find another

that doesn't always make you want to cry...

Started with a perfect kiss then, we could feel the poison set in...

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive... 

You know that I love you so. I love you enough to let you go.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road.

Someone's gotta go...

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better but 

I want you to move on, so I'm already gone.

I'm already gone.

I'm already gone.

You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.

I'm already gone. Already gone.

There's no moving on... so i'm already gone. 

Already gone... 

Already gone..

Already gone... 

I'm already gone. 

Already gone...

Already gone... 

Remember all the things we wanted? Now all the memories,they're haunted.

We were always meant to say goodbye.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road.

Someone's gotta go...

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better but 

I want you to move on, so I'm already gone.

I'm already gone.

I'm already gone.

You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.

I'm already gone. Already gone.

There's no moving on...so i am already gone. 

All of it.